I constantly walk into a room and I don’t remember why, but for some reason I think there’s going to be a clue in the refrigerator.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Wives who put on a little extra weight live longer than husbands who mention it.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
An adult is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
If I had a pound for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
What do dentists call their X-rays?
Take my advice – I’m not using it.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.