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The Lighter Side of Life Autumn 2018

 

I may look like I’m in deep thought but 99% of the time I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat later.

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Dad, did you know that in some countries you don’t know your wife until you get married?
Son, its like that everywhere.

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Overheard ...
I have found a way to get my children to ring me.
How?
I change my Netflix password.

Engineers’ humour
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Normal people believe that if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog shouted out,“What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said,“Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”

Ponderings
• The letter W in English, is called double U. Shouldn’t it be called double V?
• If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
• Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

This beats getting a flea in your ear

This beats getting a flea in your ear